his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
