I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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