I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
