mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
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