We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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