i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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