True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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