the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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