Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
