I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
