New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
