I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
birth control should be required to get into college
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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