I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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