How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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