I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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