i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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