Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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