my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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