I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
