Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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