yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
