she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
