I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
