Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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