every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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