They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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