just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
