Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
