I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Alive.
So much puke
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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