that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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