Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
