somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
