i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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