is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
