She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
