I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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