I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
