Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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