He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
