and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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