was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
