I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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