i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
