I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
