if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
