If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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