Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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