Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
