she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
