Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
