ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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