pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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