i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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