he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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