Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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