You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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