so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
