So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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