i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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