So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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