I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
