This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she told me i tasted like america
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
