its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Don't make out with my wife yet
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
