im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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