4 words: hood of his car
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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